Even I doubt myself often!
I am now 76 days away from the Battle of the Gods. This will be my first physique competition since getting my Pro Card in 2019. I tried to compete last year in November, but our state was closed down again in October, and I just couldn’t see myself leaving my team alone during another COVID closure. So, I have had almost three years on a break from the stage and I too have struggled with the drinking, eating and nonstop stress of COVID.
I didn’t however allow the closures to stop my workouts. I did however get up to 190 at my peak and carried almost 24% body fat. Currently I am at 170 and now at 16%. I will compete in 76 days at 150 and less than 5% body fat. The cool part is I did gain about 4 lbs. of muscle over the 3-year period. My biceps are larger by 1” and my lat spread is larger by about 2”. So overall not too shabby for this period.
I know this is a lot of stats for you to understand but this gets me to my point. I still feel unprepared, behind on my weight loss, and when I look at the pictures of the competitors last year (which you should never do) I feel quite inadequate to compete at this level. I have very severe doubts about my ability to perform well. Yet – I am not giving up.
I made a commitment to compete for a couple of reasons. I know that with this kind of target, I will improve my body. I will make the hard decisions necessary to get it back to where I wish it to be. I also know I don’t want to look like a fool up there amongst these other amazing competitors so it’s pushing me beyond that which I have ever accomplished before with my body. Even with all this said – I still have crazy doubts about myself.
Does this sound familiar with anything you have going on in your life? Impostor syndrome? Feelings of inadequacy? This is all very normal, but we cannot allow it to take over. I used to have these same feelings when I competed in the North American Sport Karate Association. Only when I won and become ranked third nationally did the impostor syndrome go away.
I also felt this when I first opened up eVOLV and many times during my struggles early on keeping this place open. I had just come out of a severe family business disaster where I felt very inadequate, and I felt everyone was judging me and thinking I would fail. Then boom Channel 13 showed up at my doorstep when I closed the first location down with some crazy ass reporting from a mad ex-partner of mine. My worst nightmares came true at this point. But I never gave up!
I still have doubts of my abilities especially coming out of a pandemic where for all intense and purposes our business should not have survived. But we did and now we are rebuilding. It’s tough but we are doing it and now I know we will succeed and most in part to the amazing clients who support this amazing team!
I believe the underlying theme is just to keep showing up and not giving up! This is true in all we do in life. This is how we overcome the feelings of doubt – only through action!
Your action items:
Keep showing up!
Keep taking action!
Never fucking give up! EVER!
I try daily to live the words I preach. I just jumped out of an airplane this weekend – it was an amazing gift from my amazing guy! It was awesome. Live life to its fullest and experience all it has to offer. Make your dreams a reality and don’t allow your self-doubt to govern your actions!
Your Trainer – C.J.